a heart without a soul
by truegoldeneyes
Summary: rose wants to find dimitri but does dimitri want to be found? lissa slating rated t as later on gets steamy! writen after shadow kissed and its what i think should have happened any similarities are a complete accident. dont read if you like lissa!
1. truth at last

After years of waiting I am finally finding out the truth of my abandonment, of why I was left to grow up not knowing my father. I looked up into a face which bore such resemblance to mine. The same tanned skin that is every girls dream to have and which no making up could get the same, the same dark, almost black hair that shimmered in the sun. And yet with all these things alike he didn't seem to realise that the daughter he abandoned before she was born was standing in front of his eyes. Every second he stood there with that expressionless face made my temper rise, and then he said to me something that made me lose it completely

"Do I know you?" he said in slow rich voice with a strong Turkish accent. When he said that my vision went in and out of focus as I struggled to contain the anger inside me which hadn't been this high since that night Lissa lost control. But it was hard and when I spoke it was in a shrill voice.

"How can you not recognise me or remember my mother or have you slept with too many women to remember her." Once I had calmed down I glanced at him and he was still staring at me with a blank face and those dark eyes boring into my own. Finally after what seemed an eternity of silence he spoke.

"Ermm… ohh... look I know what this seems like, but I didn't realise who you were..."

"Ohh and now you do, do you did it suddenly just hit you or is just another way to try and get away again." I screamed in his face he didn't as much as flinch at my words in fact he actually looked sorry.

"It's not any of those things and I do know who you are Rose Hathaway and I've heard of your recent adventures, you are so like your mother." His face for the first time showed emotion but I couldn't figure what one it was.

"How dare you speak of my mother when you didn't even care to keep in touch with Janine and you never bovered to come and find me, I thought you might have been different but your not, your just as despicable as all the other Moroi men." I spat at him.

He took awhile to speak and when he did it was in a soft voice, a whisper "I loved your mum I never stopped loving her it killed me to leave her"

"Then why did you her, us?" the anger from early was gone to be replaced with the sorrow I was feeling towards this man.

"She had to carry on with her job and I had to keep up my reputation…"

I cut him off "so your reputation emant more to you than your family"

"i loved you both even before you were born, but you know from friends and teachers that moroi men and d'hampirs can not be togther. i just want to let you that i have know other children i havnt been with another women since your mother"

i couldnt listen to him talking about this know. I thought this was what i wanted to know the truth but it was too much deal with along with dimitri to worry about. I turned away from him walked away, leaving him there looking at me, desperate for me to understand what he wanted me to. Once i was inside the house i was currently renting i ran upstairs into my bedroom straight onto my bed and curled up in the covers and for the first time since leaving the academy i cried. I know it sounds childish but who can you go to when there is no one else left in the world who you trust.

**I do not own vampire academy, Richelle Mead does. This is my first book and I couldn't have done it without the help of thosegoldeneyes, aka Paige, we wrote this together and credit goes out to her this book is about what I think should happen in book 4 of vampire academy **


	2. Dreams

**Sorry the last chapter was a short one but hopefully this one will make up for it! Read and review please.**

RPOV

As soon as my head hit the pillow I passed out. It was the first time I had allowed myself to sleep as I was afraid that Lissa or Adrian would turn up in one of my dreams unexpectedly as usual, so I had been depriving sleep for so long that it got too much.

But that night nobody visited me in my dreams instead that night I dreamed of Dimitri but not of my sincere sweet Dimitri, no this was of a Dimitri whose face bore little of the kind face I knew and loved. He had these gleaming red eyes that told me what he had become and his mouth was curled back in a snarl to expose two extended canine teeth, fangs! I couldn't believe it had had seen many fangs before on many people but to see them on that once beautiful face almost made me scream. As though realising I was afraid he lunged at me! I awoke from the dream breathing heavily with beads of sweat pouring down my face and in a tangle of quilt like a cocoon that I couldn't escape, after a couple minutes of struggling I was let free form the tangle and fell onto the floor where I laid for a couple of moments pleased for the pain to show that she wasn't still in the nightmare.

I didn't know why I was so shocked I knew he was a strigio and that one time soon I would see him again and that what happened in my dream could very well be what happened. The question was though would I be able to stop him if he does that when I meet him, I mean I almost fainted at seeing him again even if it was only in a dream. Would I be able to kill the man who I am meant to be or will I give up what I most value to be with him these are all the question that were going through my head the ones I would never know the answer to until the time came.

I silently crept out of my room checking in the corners for anything or anyone hidden there and walked down into the kitchen where my so called father was waiting there for me didn't know what to say to him after yesterdays discussion so I went to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of my favourite cereal, count chocos and sat down on the couch.

I heard him speak to me form the other room but it was muffled by a yawn so I didn't have a clue what he was said. "What did you say?" I inquired him.

"I was just saying how I know yesterday didn't go and you don't understand what actually happened…"

"I know what happened; you left my mum on her own just so you could keep your precious reputation." This man always seems to make me angry without doing hardly anything, just his presence in the room seemed to make me angry and then he talks which is even worse than seeing him.

"I told you yesterday why I left, but you have got to see that I still love Janine and I always will you probably don't understand what it is like to fall in love like that." He said with a wave of dismissal

Tears were welling up in my eyes as I struggled to contain them "How can you say stuff about what I do and don't know ok! You haven't even known me for a day and you are making accusations about me that you have no idea about!" I didn't mean the words to come out so harsh but he was a complete stranger to me, but I don't know where the anger is coming from whether it's from everything that has happened and just built up or not. I was so confused!

I could tell that he was struggling him self to stay calm. I would be too if I were being shouted at that way by person younger than me and his voice came out strained "I didn't mean to suggest anything about your life I just didn't think that that you would know about that sort of thing that's all"

"It's not your fault you couldn't have known it just that it's hard for me at this moment in time and some who being near you makes me even angrier and and and…" he cut me of before I could continue rambling my feeling out to this stranger I barely knew.

"Stop stop ok how about this we start of again and take things more slowly and then if you have any questions for me just ask ok" he voice wasn't strained anymore it was as calm and as rich as when I first met him.

I thought about this for a couple of minute before I answered but in the end I thought what harm could it cause to be nice for once. "Ok lets starts over and while we do that you can talk" I said sweetly.

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**i do not own vampire academy! i hope you like the chapter different moods in place please read and review all your comments are helpful thanks.**


	3. The cave

**RPOV**

I said goodbye to my father after finally agreeing to keep in touch with each other which was took a great deal of persuasion on his behalf and I continued on my journey after three days of peaceful rest and set of to finish what I started.

I didn't know where to look first so, I decided to use the money I got from Adrian and 'lent' a car and drove back to the place where Dimitri disappeared. I knew they had already checked them through thoroughly and come up with only dead bodies which Dimitri was not among, but I had to be sure myself. It was risky and dangerous but I had to do it. I would decide where I went next if I did not find him.

I found the cave after a couple of endless hours of driving and set of on foot to cover the rest of the distance. I took out my stake which I had kept with me ever since I had left, you could never be too careful. I entered the cave looking in every corner with the stake at the ready in case anything unwanted jumped out at me. I went deeper into the cave. I didn't come across any human or living thing only gross decayed objects that had once been alive. As my search went on I found nothing as I was going to give up when something caught my eye on the wall. I turned around to see what I first thought as blood smeared over the walls was actually a message.

'_rose I love you do not come looking for me for I fear you could get attacked you will not find me all I want is for you to just remember me.' _

As I stared at the writing on the wall my heart exploded. I broke down but no tears came as I thought what is the point of crying when there is no one there to care for you or to comfort you and the only person you really need is not there to help. All of these thought came into my head as I was reading the words. I didn't care what he said we made a promise that we would rather die than become one of them and he also said I would not find him; I would go to the ends of the earth to find him, I would never give up I didn't care what happened when I found him as long as I knew he was alive still. I left the cave feeling happier and more hopeful than when I had entered as I know knew that he had survived that horrid attack that I thought killed him.

I had no idea where he went but I couldn't leave him as he asked so I felt inside me and followed my soul which half of which he owned and I would follow it where ever it wanted me to go as deep down inside of me I knew that he would be there.

**I do not own vampire academy! Awww soo sad:( . I dint know how else to finish of this chapter and by the way sorry its so short but I hope you like it and tell me what you thought of it because I really need all the help I can get. R&R please!**


	4. Choices

**RPOV**

I was just about to by my ticket to Russia where my heart was telling me my Dimitri would be and thinking about how life was starting to look up when I was felt a familiar feeling of my self leaving my body and being dragged into another one.

I/Lissa was standing in the middle of the academy's grounds field with know recount of why she/I was there without anybody else around especially in a time of recent events that had happened. I heard something from behind me and only looked round to see the woods staring back but I couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching me/her.

I started walking back towards the castle with no intension of turning back when she heard someone call my/her name. "Lissa. Lissa come on, come and find me you know you want to." A sly voice from behind me told me that was where the voice was coming from. I quickly looked behind me nothing was there the same as before but as I turned around I came face to face with the strigio who threatened to kill of the last Dragomir when I saw him last on the grounds I didn't think he would actually do it and I didn't have time to chase after him as I thought she was in good hands. "Ha ha you haven't got your pretty little friend to protect you know do you?" I could feel the fear rushing through her body and pain at the thought of me/rose The blond headed strigio could see Lissa's fear in her face and grabbed Lissa by the waist and heaved her over his shoulder which winded her before she could scream and ran of into the distance.

I pulled myself out of Lissa's head and back into my own I couldn't believe that had happened I never thought about how much danger she would be in after I left I would have thought they would have assigned her a new guardian but obviously they had not otherwise why else could she have been own her own. How stupid could those people be leaving her own her own with no one to protect her of course I couldn't exactly talk considering that was precisely what I had done. But enough of what I had done the question was what was I going to do now. Would I leave her again and hope somebody would rescue her whilst I went looking for the person who owned my soul? Or would I go and save my best friend who brought me back to life when I was on the edge of death but leave the chance where I could find Dimitri and save him from his fate? I had no idea of what I was going to do. I was hoping that there would be a third choice but either way I would have to loose one of them.

I thought to myself 'I wonder what it would be like to have a normal life with a normal bunch of friends no vampires no strigio and a cute thoughtful boy friend' but I knew that even if such things could happen I wouldn't change it. As here even if this world is a bit messed up it's where I belong ridding the world of strigio and one in particular special strigio and also caring after my best friend.

Worry was coursing through my mind and thinking through every situation that could happen and the consequences of my actions but every one of them ended up with losing one of the people I love.

In the end I made my mind up I understood that both of them were close to death and in the end I had to choose the one I knew I couldn't afford them to leave my life with what hold they had over me, in the end I chose the one I couldn't live without

**I do not own vampire academy! I don't know how many times I wrote this chapter but in the end I made it with the help of my good friend Paige who inspired me with this chapter :) I hope you enjoyed it please read and review the more I get the more it helps me write quicker so… please!**


	5. Giving up

**DPOV**

I had manage to escape the other ferocious beast with little less than a scratch on me as I was trained to be the best before I was turned. I was running along at incredible speed, thirst longing in my throat. I could smell my prey, the smell that made me ravenous. I soon saw what I was looking for. A girl almost in her twenties, with long black hair, that glistened in the light coming from the lamppost. The sight of that stopped me dead in my tracks. I was suddenly thrown back into a flashback.

_I was holding Rose close to my chest whispering to her "this isn't you Rose this isn't you" I kept repeating this to her as I stroked the hair I loved which I told her never to cut which she happily agreed to. _

I had no idea why I had that memory showed to me but I do know that seeing that ripped my heart in two, as that night held the happiest moment of my life and also the saddest. I had agreed to tell them the truth about are relationship but soon after that I fulfilled the prophecy made by losing the things I loved the most. My soul!

Part of me hoped that rose would come looking for me and ignore the warning I gave her but the other half of me knew better and was afraid for her if she did. Not afraid of what other people would do to her but of what I could do to her.

I turned and ran, ran for miles and didn't stop until I came to a place I knew no one was in a mile of me. I sat there in despair thinking over what could have been if I didn't get jumped from behind. I was thrown into another flashback

_I was in the cave and I turned around and saw my love staring at my with such compassion I wanted to grab hold of her in my arms and stay like that forever. But as I looked at her, her expression change rapidly from compassion to surprise with fear, before I knew what was wrong I felt someone grab me from behind and pain was spreading from my neck across my body and before I passed out the last thing I saw was rose froze in shock and then the realisation hitting her and trying to get to me and then things went black but before I went out cold I heard someone shout "its no use he's gone rose he's gone."_

I pulled myself back to reality thinking back over what that women said. When she had said 'he's gone' and seen Rose's distressed face it only made me want to fight more to come through the faze and live to fight who ever had made me this creature and to never let anyone make Rose have that look on her face ever again.

I had managed to track down the person who had turned me and kill the monster, he had been no match for me even though I was newly born I had been strong before hand. I had made suffer in pain to know how it felt to die inside to have what you love the most taken from you but he had not only taken my soul he had taken my love and that could never been forgiven.

After I had finished him off, then the rest of his followers turned on me but they were only young and it had been too easy. But know I had no idea of what I was going to do. I had no family to go to, and nobody I knew around, maybe I would go and try and find Rose to see if she could take me back although I knew she never would, who would want to take back a thing like me? I'm a disgrace to everyone!

I considered my choices not liking any of them; I could go and look for Rose and plead with her, I could try and hunt down as many of the mutations created like me and destroy them or I could just give up and ride my self of this world as there is no one else I know who would care for me or can even look at me without cringing or screaming and running away, and the only person that I need wont even be able to look at me, so I know I everyone will be better off with one less of us to worry about. Yes that is what I will do. No one will miss me, they wouldn't even no I was gone. I would be just like another unwanted thing thrown away.

I started running again, it had slowly began to rain again but it didn't matter I don't feel the cold or anything anymore I am like an empty shell. I past by the airport wishing with all my might I could see Rose one last time before I leave for good, but I knew that if I did I don't think I would be able to follow through with what I have to do. I made my way to my home town Siberia to have a last look at the place I once called home. I travelled to the highest mountain but on the way I collect the sharpest bit of wood I could find. Once at the top I would ensure that I took care of everything I need. Of course I wouldn't do it straight away that would be rash, instead I would wait until morning and I would puncture my heart with the 'stake' and stop my self from healing I would do it direct sunlight then wait to perish in the boiling sun.

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**i do not own vampire academy!! i would just like to thank all the people so far who have reviewed:) your support has been really helpful. i hope you like this chapter i didnt know how to write in Dimitri's POV so i hope i done okk:S please please please read and review!!!!!!! **


	6. Rescue mission

**RPOV**

I sprinted out of the airport wondering whether I would make it. The people at the academy must have noticed her absence they did when me and her went missing a year ago and they must have tightened up the security when I left. I tried to enter her mind again but everything I saw was blank I had a feeling that she had passed out, which worried me even more.

I had to get to her fast before it was to late. I ran across the road in search of a fast car that would get me there quicker. I smashed the window with ease and jumped in. the person who owned this car must be an idiot as they left the keys in the ignition although this made it easier for me as it saved more time.

I drove for what seemed like hours but I knew that it had only been about half an hour. Once in a while I would check on Lissa but there had been no change, I was starting to worry. I tried to comfort myself by saying that if she had died (fingers crossed) I would know wouldn't I?

I continued to drive, I was starting to get anxious, when I was suddenly whipped into Lissa's mind, usually I would hate this to happen but a wave of relief swept over me nonetheless. I/she opened my eyes to see myself in the same cabin I/she was taken to when Victor Dashkov tortured her/me; she/I only hoped the same things would not happen! It was only when I/she tried to turn around I noticed that she/I was strapped to a chair so tight it hurt. I /she was afraid. She was out here in the middle of nowhere where no one new where she had gone or even that she was missing. I pulled myself out her head with difficulty as she had such a powerful emotion going through her.

Once I was back into my own mind I realised I had been driving whilst not realising; but know I knew where to look for her I set off on the journey…

******************* The next morning**********

I had arrived in Siberia after the short plane journey whilst there I thought back to what had happened last

_Flashback_

_I entered the cabin in stealth mode, stake poised in position and checked around there was no one insight apart from a sleeping girl with her head against her chest. Knew this must be Lissa and prodded her awake I put my hand over her mouth to stop an audible scream coming from her mouth. I motion to her to be quiet she understood but she was still wearing a look off surprise on her face. Honestly did she think I would have forgotten her and not rescued her, I thought to myself. I took the knife I had been carrying in my pocket and used it to saw through the ropes that tied her to the chair. After that I motioned her to follow me out the door but then she moved awkwardly and stumbled into a pile of stuff which tipped over with a crash. I told her to run but it was to late the blond strigio had returned from wherever he had been and was giving us mainly me a dirty smile exposing her extended canines. He jumped at but I was already in position all I had to do was stab the stake forward and then it was all over. I walked over to where Lissa was standing gaping with shook it had only been a couple of seconds of fighting but to her it look liked it had been a war. I went to comfort her but she cringed away from me. Then she turned and walked out the door without another sound. I followed after her and asked her what was wrong which must have been the worst things in the world to say at that moment in time as she exploded "What's wrong! What do you think is wrong you leave unprotected to go and chase a lost cause because of a stupid crush and then you turn up here and save the day and expect us to be alright again your unbelievably stupid if you think I can ever forgive you for you did to me you ripped my heart in half! Then she stormed off muttering to her self about being selfish and always thinking about her self were the word I caught. Tears threatening to escape I ran back to my car and drove to the airport again…_

_End flashback_

As I had been thinking of that incident I didn't notice the silent tears sliding down my cheek until the fell onto my resting hands and I hastily wiped them away and drove into the town centre to where I hoped someone would have seen him.

It was starting to lighten a little bit as it was 2:30 in the morning and as I drove through the town my heart leaped at even the slightest thing that looked liked Dimitri. Then I had to remind myself he wouldn't just be wandering around in the middle of the street. Instead I decided to go and ask some of the local people but none had heard or seen Dimitri. I was staring to give up hope and until I saw a women with the same brown eyes and dark hair as Dimitri and jumped out the car and grabbed her by her shoulder. She just stood there with a questioning look on her face. "Have you seen him" asked her whilst shaking her shoulders. She snapped out her shock as I spoke.

"If you mean my son I have he came back for a couple of minutes with explanation except from saying he had to see us one last time… he seemed different" she said the last word wearily as though thinking. I couldn't bring myself to tell her what had happened a lump had formed in my throat at the thought of it and almost made it impossible to speak but in the end I manage to ask.

"Where did he go" I pleaded her.

"All he told me was he was going to climb as high as can go and all I can think that means he is going to climb that mountain" she pointed at a tall mountain in the distance that rose into the sky above. I gave her a rushed thank you and set of towards the mountain.

**I do not own vampire academy or any characters!! Thank you to all those who have reviewed so far you opinion has been so helpful. I will only be writing a couple more chapters on this fic but maybe a little bit more if people show interest:) please read and review!! xx**


	7. Final act

**DPOV**

Everything was set for the moment my life would finally end! The cool moon was slowly leaving to be replaced by the burning sun. I was breathing in and out heavily even though there was no need for it.

My body seemed to know the end was near. I told myself I would go through with it but I never thought about it really I mean I thought about the bad things about me staying alive.

I am a disgrace to the world I once lived I have a cursed life which nothing can fix a half life with no soul, but I never gave thought to what advantages I could gain out of this. I would be faster, stronger and more adept than any of the others. I would have my senses heightened all these things would come in handy defending the Moroi people although I doubt they would want a thing like me guarding them. They would live in fear in case I would turn against them even though I swore against it. It all came down to whether they injured themselves and then the smell of blood would hit me like a cannon, I would feel the burning in my throat and then I would attack. The blood would ease the burning in my throat. I shook my head I had to get read of this thought… yes I had to feed but I never killed I took little portions at a time.

Ever since I had been turned I knew what time it was it was useful but also horrible and it seemed and though my heart was beating away the seconds I had to live. I knew I was being stupid and that I had no heart beat! The part of the soul I still had was aching painfully for the one who could heal me. A small part of me hoped she would come in time…

**RPOV**

I was putting the running Dimitri made me do to good practice. It was getting colder by the minute and the higher I went the more painful the strain in my legs got but I pushed myself through it. I had to, first because I have never given up in my life on anything and I wasn't about to start with the only thing worth actually fighting for!

It was nearing dawn and I had been climbing for over 3 hours it was 2 o'clock when I started so that meant only a couple of hours before the sun would rise and Dimitri would be exposed I only hope that he has found himself some shelter.

As I drew nearer I could see a figure standing at the top of the mountain but even in this light my vision was obscured by the clouds, but as far as I could see the silhouette was pacing back and forth and looked like he was preparing him self for something. I had no other thoughts about what do to except to climb up to see whether it was the person I needed to see most!

**DPOV**

I had been pacing back and forth for the past hour and with each step I was counting down till the last one I would ever tread. In mid step I heard a panting coming from the mountain. I must have been desperate I had imagined it was rose's desperate breaths coming from down there but it couldn't have been nobody knew I was here and even if they did they wouldn't have made it without help and it would have taking them days to get this far but I hadn't passed anyone on the way up here. Then I heard the wheezy voice calling my name "DIMITRI…DIMITRI WHERE ARE YOU" this must be the breaking point not only had I heard it but I responded to the disembodied voice.

"OVER HERE. NEAR THE TOP" I yelled back at the top of my voice even though I was certain that nobody could have climbed up here in that time except from someone… Rose… stop it I told myself you are just making it harder for you to do what needs to be done. But I couldn't stop the tiny bit in the back of my mind that was telling me it was rose out there and that tiny bit seemed to be growing with every second I could hear the rasping breaths. In the end the temptation got the better of me and whoever it was would have trouble getting up the last steps of the mountain even I did. I climbed down lower to see if I could see anyone there but my vision was obscured by the thick clouds. I knew I would have to get lower but that was dangerous even more so now than earlier, I could see then, but now the sun was just coming up from the horizon and moon disappearing along with the night.

I climbed down as stealthily as I could. Once I was several feet lower the clouds seemed thinner and for the first time I could see my surroundings. It was beautiful the inner city, just how I remembered it, was starting to get busy. It was like looking out at two separate universes on one side you had the busy but original town center and on the other you had the green forest over run with wild bushes and exotic plants. But I couldn't get distracted not when there was someone out there who needed help. I thought burst into my head that is a good way to go it said to go on a good deed, to go helping someone who needed the help. Determination was running through my veins. My emotions hadn't been this high since I realized what I had become and lashed out on the people!

I went lower and lower and not since when the person called out the first time I hadn't heard a word from them (if there is anyone there at all he mentally added) I had started to get worried that the person was injured when I heard something stir beneath where I was. I peered over the ledge I was standing on and saw a bundle at the next ledge…

**I DONT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY! HEY I HOPED YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER:) IT TOOK AGES TO WRITE SO I HOPE IT IS ALL WORTH IT :D  
PLEEEEAAAAAAASSSE R&R XX**


	8. Everybody needs somebody

**RPOV**

I opened my eyes. I had been awakened by a terrible pain in my left leg, which I had no idea why it hurt then the memory came back to me…. I had been standing on a very thin bit if ice on the mountain when I called out to Dimitri. I hadn't expected a reply so I had been so surprised my foot slipped from the ledge and I fell…. I must have fallen very awkwardly as the throbbing in my leg seemed to be getting worse and as I tried to move it I gasped out in pain. I hadn't thought the drop had been that bad but now I was having second thoughts about how bad it actually was. I tried to stand up but all that I manage to do was to slip again and damage my leg even more. And then a piece of ice fell from above and the pain was too overwhelming I went into unconsciousness once more. The next thing I felt was someone lifting me with such delicate hands and I was soo comfy I fell into the land of dreams

**DPOV**

I watched as the person struggled to get up but only made things worse, whoever they were they seemed to be in pain and I had to help them soon. But my mistake was made the second I stepped onto the ice. In my hurry to get to whoever it was I slipped and a piece of ice fell below onto the figure where they moved no more. I moved more careful this time as I cautiously stepped down below. I didn't dare change there position as it could danger them even more but as far as I could tell it was a girl. My heart skipped a beat as I realized who it could be but I couldn't stay on that thought as I had to get this girl to safety. I slipped my arms very carefully under her back and lifted her into my arms. She fitted perfectly there but her face was still concealed. That I decided was for the best, that way I couldn't put to much hope in it being who I wanted most! I laid her down on the bed where I myself would be laying in a couple of hours.

I stood there watching her as she slept after what must have been a terrible incident. I had no idea about how long I stood there apart from that when I did it was only because she woke me from my trance.

**RPOV**

I lifted my heavy eyelids to be blinded by the light even though it wasn't that bright my pupils had dilate where my eyes had been shut for so long. I slowly pulled my self to my feet where I leaned on the hardest thing I could fell I thought it was a boulder. It wasn't till I turned around I realized it was a boulder at all it was a person. A person whose muscles I had felt many times before. I put my arms to my head and pulled of my hood to finally uncover my face. And there in front of my eyes was the person from my dreams and nightmares.

I felt myself leaning forward towards this beautiful person and halfway there he met me an embrace with such meaning in it, with such feelings involved it was overwhelming. The feelings coming off were a mix of happiness and sorrow I was actually crying and when he realized this he pulled away despite my attempts. And whispered in my ears in the same caring voice as it used to be when he tried to control his feelings towards me.

"What is the matter?" he asked his voice dripped with caring. I couldn't reply but I just shook my head "come on now you know you can tell me anything"…

**DPOV**

I look at her and I felt where my heart had been shattered mend itself and for the first time I felt whole again. But as I looked into her eyes my worst fears came to roof on the top of my head. There was something wrong with her she was crying. "What is the matter" I made my voice as soft and as soothing as possible but inside I was also crying but I didn't show it she was what mattered and now she wouldn't answer me "come on now you know you can tell me anything" I put my hand on her cheek just as I had all those many months ago and held her close to my body. Although I saw her open her mouth no words came out. I sat down and pulled her onto my lap to wait for her to calm down. Eventually she did. Are you going to tell why you were so upset earlier or not? I asked her hoping she could trust me once again. Luck was actually on my side. She lifted up her head, looked directly in my eyes and spoke.

"There is nothing wrong" I was just about to cut in to argue but she stopped me before I could. "Earlier my tears weren't because I was upset they were tears of happiness. She spoke so softly. After that we just sat there for a while when I remembered that the sun would be rising soon. I picked her up into a bridle carry and asked her something "do you trust me?" she replied in that loving voice. "Forever and for always". And on her words I jumped. I heard her intake of breath as we fell from the 20,000 foot drop. I felt her curl up closer to me. I didn't think she knew how much it meant to me that she didn't want to go away from me or cringe away from my eyes and that she trusted me enough to let me hold her.

We hit the ground as softly as a feather and she opened her eyes. The sun was getting brighter and although I was stronger than a usual new born the sun burned me like no other. With rose still in my arms I ran to the shelter I had stayed in before I ran away. As I was running I felt her relax completely and as we were a mile away she fell asleep right there in my arms one any thoughts I had before had now vanished along with not being wanted I only needed one person in my life who wanted me and that person accepts me for who I was everybody else didn't matter. I laid her down on her bed and watched her sleep.

**I DON'T OWN VA UNFORTUNATELY:) HEY I HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW CHAPTER PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ READ AND REVIEW ALL YOUR HELP HELPS ME WRITE FASTER! R&R**


	9. I only want you

**DPOV**

As I watched her sleep I felt at peace with the world but then that world came shattering down. She had started thrashing around. I had no idea what to do. I tried to wake her up but nothing would do it! Then she started moaning "help me, help me Dimitri" I had been watching her but when she said my name, I had no idea what made me do it, I climbed in next to her and whispered "Its ok babe! I'm here! Don't worry! I will always protect you" As I spoke I caressed her hair and slowly but surely the thrashing ceased and her breaths turned back to peaceful intakes. She curled up against and I welcome her comfort and we just laid there till morning had passed and the night had replaced the blaring light. I had made sure that when I started living here I shut out all the cracks that could hurt me. But today was a new day and I felt as if I was a cleansed person, I almost went outside but I knew that was stupid even though the sun was almost set it would still damage me severely. By the time Rose was up I had been out and found some human on the ground but I didn't need as much as usual as inside I felt is if I was filled to burst I was so emotional.

As I got back Rose was sitting up in the bed looking around at her surroundings but when she saw me she came over to me almost dreamily. I met her half way and embraced her in a way that showed all my feelings towards her and I felt hers right back.

"How are you this morning?" I didn't let go of her just put her at arms length to look at her completely.

"Tired but happy, so happy. When I woke up this morning and found you not there I thought it was a dream and I got worried if it was a dream how did I end up here and then you came back in looking like the angel you are". She spoke with such passion it hurt I kissed her once more.

"You are my angel and I need you to trust me that I will never leave you or hurt you again. I love you…" before I could finish my speech you put her fingers to my lips.

"I promise you as long as I live I will never forget that moment when you were taken from me, shh before you say anything please just let me finish" I had just been about to interrupt her to say I was sorry for everything that happened and I wished I could take it all back. "As I was saying about when that tragic accident happened and I could never forgive myself for not going after you when I could have saved you but now what is done is the past and all that matters is the future which I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She concluded in a way that even if I wanted to I couldn't change her mind it was set on me and only me. Again I got the feeling that for the first time I was forgiven for everything and all was how it should be I couldn't care less about anyone else apart from the girl, should I say women now in front of me. I smiled at her and she asked what I found funny.

"It's just that all this time I thought I could never truly be with you and here you are standing in front of after you traveled half the world to find me first then rescue me and still standing there giving me the rest of you and I just thought what an idiot I must have been to not have started our relationship sooner instead of worrying over what other people thought of me and I am just so happy that I have you. And that is why I will never leave you again."

"I gave myself to you because I love you it is that simple." She said with such sincerity and hope my heart broke.

"What takes me a whole speech to say you some up in three simple words and it really is that simple I love you too and it hurts to even let you out of my sight. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and when you're gone I won't be far behind you I can not live my life without you. I knew I couldn't ever since I first set my eyes on you. And ever since that day onwards even when other girls were in the picture I couldn't stop thinking about you, you were always on my mind." As I had been speaking I had been looking at the ground because I couldn't bear to look at her face incase I saw something I didn't like but I looked up at the end and she was crying but even though she was I could tell they were tears of happiness. She wiped her eyes and gave me a smile that lit up my whole world. I leaned forward to give her a peck on the cheek but at last minute she turned her head at met me full on where I deepened it thankful for the closeness of another body which I hadn't felt for what seemed eternity and all the memories came rushing back. And then she looked at me and her eyes told me what I wanted to see full trust and longing to be with me. I only wished there was a way the past months events hadn't happened, that the world had just stopped moving at that moment in the cabin but happen the way you plan it to be so you just have to live with what you have and what I had is very good very good indeed.

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** i dont own vampire academy! hey i hope you like the new chapter. the next chapter will involve a lot more action i promise you!!  
plz plz plz read and review i really love your support x**


	10. together at last

**DPOV**

After our meeting I told her everything that happened before she found me and she sat there listening to me in silence but occasionally gasping at points. Once I had finished she just sat their staring at me. She silently stood up and slowly but surely walked over to where I was sitting, and took me in her arms and held me like I had never been held before, with care, with passion and most of all love. I held her back and tried to give her the emotion I had so long held up inside me to her.

We stayed like that for a while before I realized she must be hungry and when I thought about it I had been to. I think she could read that in my eyes. I knew she must know what a hungry vampire must look like after having to feed Lissa. She moved her hands from my shoulders to my head and tilted it towards he neck. I stopped her before I wouldn't be able to. I looked into her eyes and said the words that hurt the most "I cant, I just can't do that to you" I killed me to do it but she just shook her head at me

"You don't get it, I don't want you to go out there and drink some girls random blood but if you drank mine it would be different I know when there's a connection you don't need it as often it last longer, please just do this one thing for me. Please!" she told me with such conviction as though if I done this it would kill her. I looked into her eyes I saw the hurt in them at thought of me going out. I gave in. I let her pulled my head to her neck and I let loose. As I stuck my teeth into her if felt and heard her gasp but then it turned into a moan. I carried on for a couple of minutes before I pulled back and she moaned again but this time it was filled with sadness. This time I was the one to lift her head. "I can't take any more right now all that matters now is that we get you fed and then see what happens" I added that last bit quietly in her ear, and I saw her look confused then she understood. I took her out and got her fed. Then we went back to the cave/house.

"So what were you on about earlier when you said about seeing how things went from there?" she inquired me on this but when I looked her she had a very mischievous look on his face.

"Well I think you know" I gave her wink which she just brushed aside like the rose I knew she was. She just said two words 5 minute ………

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I was lying on the cover of the bed whilst she was getting changed

"Of course I do why wouldn't I? She sounded so defensive

"Because of what I am." I argued back

"What you were isn't what you are now you have changed." She was trying her best to defend me

"Yes I have all because of you and I want to be a better person but I am still a monster…." I left the last bit hanging and she finished it off for me.

"You are not and stop saying how many times do I have to tell you, you are beautiful and that I don't want you to change I love you just the way you are." she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately and I deepened the kiss and lifted her onto the bed where she came to my need. As it went on the only thing I said was my name for her "Roza, Roza, Roza" I could feel her emotions running of her like beads water on a glass. That night I realized at last this was the moment after all, the moment I had wanted this whole time and to share it with my the person who wanted me the most.

The night turned into day and what was to come came with surprise….


	11. guilt and love

**I DONT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY!

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****LPOV**

I was broken inside; it felt like I wasn't whole, like I had been stabbed through the chest. But I couldn't have been as, if I had I would have known I would heal from that but this, this I know will never heal it will be on going, at least until she returned. I couldn't believe what I done had to her let alone me, although I know I can't speak for her. I hope she misses me. Eugh, I hated this. I hurt everyone I cared about, whoever I loved just got hurt even worse from the ones I barely knew about, those I didn't mind as everyone hurts people without knowing it, this, this though isn't just some stranger this is the girl who comforted me when I was down, helped me when I needed it and even rescued me when I didn't deserve it, all these things she done without a doubt. Was I feeling guilt or something worse, as what I felt compared to nothing else I knew. But was what I was feeling hatred or something just as close

I had tried to contact her through our link but as she had many times before just shut me out her mind. Christian. Oh Christian what had I done to him. He had stuck by me through everything but I just took him for granted thinking he would always be there but I was mistaken once more. He took my hand is his when I wanted him to but when I needed him the most he was gone. He had gone to the palace where Mia was to be with someone who appreciated him. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate him but that I had more things on my mind, it was that he clung too much.

**CPOV**

"I should go back to her, shouldn't I? I spoke in a desperate plea, I needed advise, guidance and I went to the only person I knew here that I could trust.

"I can't answer that" mia spoke the words I didn't want or need to hear. I think she saw that and so continued. "But I think that nobody can tell you what to do, only yourself can. I mean it's your choice, follow your heart." As she concluded my heart gave a desperate sigh. I knew it would come to this but hoped that with a miracle another option would appear, and also if I did go back would she accept me back after what I did to her?

******************************FLASHBACK******************************

"Why would she do that to me? After all I done for her, I helped her become what she is, didn't I? Christian? CHRISTIAN?" she yelled I turned around to see her staring at me expectedly, waiting for an answer.  
"Sorry" I mumbled back at her, she had been driving me crazy these past two weeks, always moaning about how ungrateful Rose had been, where in my opinion she was the one who had been ungrateful. I knew she missed her but she would never show it and the only emotion she showed was anger towards her used to be best friend. It wasn't just her she was angry at, the anger soon turned to me, it was my fault she left if I hadn't come along then she would still be as close. I felt like walking out on countless of times but went against it knowing that it would break her more than it already was. But I wouldn't handle it any more, I had my own reasons to be angry at her; she and Adrian never were seen apart on most of the days and the queen thought they were a perfect couple compared to the son of the parents turned strigoi.

"Don't apologize it's obvious that you don't care" she snapped at me. She turned away at that point, going of to find Adrian – as I could of guesses – and when she looked back around expectantly as if to say 'aren't you going to come with me' I gave her the answer which I knew would annoy her but still I had to do it otherwise I would lash out.

"I don't want to come with you, you're the one who doesn't want to be with me and who doesn't care. I can tell you would rather be with Adrian so just go and when you come back don't expect to see me here!" I half expected her not to go but deep down I knew that she would anyway. With one last backwards glance she left leaving only a gust of wind behind.

************************END OF FLASHBACK****************************

I didn't like to revisit that memory remembering her anger at me but I knew I had made the right decision, maybe this was what I had needed a break, just to meet up somewhere, with someone I could trust and with that I had ended at the royal palace with mia.  
I am going to go back and see her I decided, with that I told mia. I saw her face fall, crestfallen. "What's wrong?".  
"Nothing ermm, it's just that you only got here a few days ago…" she mumbled of at the end with her face turning the colour of beetroot. I could feel the lie hidden beneath her words  
"You can tell me the truth you know" I didn't need another person not to trust me. She sighed and knew the truth was to be told.  
"I have liked you since the minute I saw you but I didn't realize them feeling till after you saved us all. Then I got moved away and when you came and visited me last year you brought back the feelings that I had dismissed long ago. And then again you left, left me feeling empty inside, but know your back I don't know whether I can stand you to leave again" with that I lent down and brushed my lips against her own…

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PLEASE PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE REVEIWED SOO FAR YOU REVEIWS HAVE HELPED SOO FAR :D


	12. love in friendship or stronger?

**LPOV**

I was broken inside; it felt like I wasn't whole, like I had been stabbed through the chest. But I couldn't have been as, if I had I would have known I would heal from that but this, this I know will never heal it will be on going, at least until she returned. I couldn't believe what I done had to her let alone me, although I know I can't speak for her. I hope she misses me. Eugh, I hated this. I hurt everyone I cared about, whoever I loved just got hurt even worse from the ones I barely knew about, those I didn't mind as everyone hurts people without knowing it, this, this though isn't just some stranger this is the girl who comforted me when I was down, helped me when I needed it and even rescued me when I didn't deserve it, all these things she done without a doubt. Was I feeling guilt or something worse, as what I felt compared to nothing else I knew. But was what I was feeling hatred or something just as close

I had tried to contact her through our link but as she had many times before just shut me out her mind. Christian. Oh Christian what had I done to him. He had stuck by me through everything but I just took him for granted thinking he would always be there but I was mistaken once more. He took my hand is his when I wanted him to but when I needed him the most he was gone. He had gone to the palace where Mia was to be with someone who appreciated him. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate him but that I had more things on my mind, it was that he clung too much.

**CPOV**

"I should go back to her, shouldn't I? I spoke in a desperate plea, I needed advise, guidance and I went to the only person I knew here that I could trust.

"I can't answer that" mia spoke the words I didn't want or need to hear. I think she saw that and so continued. "But I think that nobody can tell you what to do, only yourself can. I mean it's your choice, follow your heart." As she concluded my heart gave a desperate sigh. I knew it would come to this but hoped that with a miracle another option would appear, and also if I did go back would she accept me back after what I did to her?

******************************FLASHBACK******************************

"Why would she do that to me? After all I done for her, I helped her become what she is, didn't I? Christian? CHRISTIAN?" she yelled I turned around to see her staring at me expectedly, waiting for an answer.  
"Sorry" I mumbled back at her, she had been driving me crazy these past two weeks, always moaning about how ungrateful Rose had been, where in my opinion she was the one who had been ungrateful. I knew she missed her but she would never show it and the only emotion she showed was anger towards her used to be best friend. It wasn't just her she was angry at, the anger soon turned to me, it was my fault she left if I hadn't come along then she would still be as close. I felt like walking out on countless of times but went against it knowing that it would break her more than it already was. But I wouldn't handle it any more, I had my own reasons to be angry at her; she and Adrian never were seen apart on most of the days and the queen thought they were a perfect couple compared to the son of the parents turned strigoi.

"Don't apologize it's obvious that you don't care" she snapped at me. She turned away at that point, going of to find Adrian – as I could of guesses – and when she looked back around expectantly as if to say 'aren't you going to come with me' I gave her the answer which I knew would annoy her but still I had to do it otherwise I would lash out.

"I don't want to come with you, you're the one who doesn't want to be with me and who doesn't care. I can tell you would rather be with Adrian so just go and when you come back don't expect to see me here!" I half expected her not to go but deep down I knew that she would anyway. With one last backwards glance she left leaving only a gust of wind behind.

************************END OF FLASHBACK****************************

I didn't like to revisit that memory remembering her anger at me but I knew I had made the right decision, maybe this was what I had needed a break, just to meet up somewhere, with someone I could trust and with that I had ended at the royal palace with mia.  
I am going to go back and see her I decided, with that I told mia. I saw her face fall, crestfallen. "What's wrong?".  
"Nothing ermm, it's just that you only got here a few days ago…" she mumbled of at the end with her face turning the colour of beetroot. I could feel the lie hidden beneath her words  
"You can tell me the truth you know" I didn't need another person not to trust me. She sighed and knew the truth was to be told.  
"I have liked you since the minute I saw you but I didn't realize them feelings till after you saved us all. Then I got moved away and when you came and visited me last year you brought back the feelings that I had dismissed long ago. And then again you left, left me feeling empty inside, but now your back I don't know whether I can stand you to leave again" with that I lent down and brushed my lips against her own…

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**AUTHORS NOTE: **Thank you to all those who have been reading my story :) i hope you have enjoyed it soo far but i will be added another 2 chapters and then it will finish.  
sorry about the wait for it i hope that doesnt make you not read it but any way thanks to all who have reviewed without you i doubt i would have gone this far


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